I always found 3 years old the hardest year! What kind of things is she refusing to cooperate with? I would probably have a look at that and see what are necessary requests and what are not. Sometimes I get in a habit of being too demanding or saying no a lot and then when I do have to say no about something they are less likely to listen because they hear it all the time. Try to save the demands for things she really MUST do.
What do you think her behaviour is telling you in certain situations? Maybe that she’s not capable of doing what you ask and needs more help? Maybe she’s feeling disconnected at the moment? Maybe she has some big feelings she can’t handle and needs help with? Maybe it’s something external like hunger, tiredness, etc? That’s the little checklist I try to run through 🙂

Oh I get frazzled too! The hardest times for me are when more than one person needs me, when it’s too noisy, or when I’m very tired. It’s hard! I’m not getting it right all the time over here. For example: https://www.instagram.com/p/-yAnwLpCNP/?taken-by=sara_happiness.is.here LOL. But we just keep trying xx

Oh ‘you’re being bad’ makes me so sad. I hate to hear that.
I would be tempted just to comment like ‘I wonder what’s going on for her that she’s acting like this at the moment, it seems like she’s really having a hard time’ or something like that. Might get them thinking and seeing things in a different light. Also, you are such an awesome Aunty!