There is also the fact that all people are different, and some have a lower tolerance for being thwarted in what they want and will be more upset for longer, regardless of being given genuine empathy or not (though the empathy will still help her tremendously to understand herself and feel secure in her relationships, even if it doesnt dissipate the situation). It might help in that situation to look into some methods for coping with overwhelming stress and emotions and try to work with the child to give her more help to deal with these overwhelming feelings when they arise. This work would need to be done previous to the moment and in an on going manner, just like anything else that you learn, in preparation for the overwhelming moments. Leaving them alone is probably not the most helpful thing for them, although of course i can understand and sometimes its the better of two options if you are feeling unable to parent the way you want in that moment. Some children prefer to wind down by themselfs, but some need someone to coach them through to the calm on the other side.

Latecomer and not a parent. I don’t mean to be rude but I would guess that your daughter can sense that your “empathy” is insincere. Empathy isn’t reciting variations of canned lines from a website. You’ve got to truly step into their shoes, feel what they feel and respond naturally as appropriate for the circumstance. Empathizing with someone who doesn’t look or think like you, be it due to a difference in age or culture, is difficult and takes a lot of practice so don’t feel frustrated; just keep trying. Children aren’t stupid so don’t think they can’t tell when you’re faking it.