I Can Wait: Lessons From a Last Baby
Sitting here holding the little girl who I think is our last baby against my chest, kissing the soft hair on the top of her head, and breathing in her newborn smell, I am willing time to slow down. I want to stay here for a little bit longer in these sleepy newborn days. I want to remember every little detail. I want to enjoy and treasure it all.
Fourth time around I know that time goes in the blink of an eye. In what seems like no time at all she will be toddling around, her baby days behind her. Even the hard parts seem easier this time. The sleepless nights are not so bad. I know how fleeting it is so I cherish even being woken from sleep to have some more time with her. So for now, time, please slow down. Give me time to etch her newness in my memory, so I can keep it safe forever. So I can remember always those days when she slept on my chest and her little life depended solely on me.
When you have your first baby you are so eager to see what comes next. You can’t wait to see them grow and learn new things! It’s so exciting, of course. You’re just waiting for each new thing. Sometimes you’re so concentrated on them growing up that you forget to enjoy the present and what they can do right now. You can’t wait to see the next thing. To see them take their first steps, forgetting that that also means it will be the last time you see them crawl. This time, I’m painfully aware of that fact, of all the ‘last times’. This time, I can wait.
I can wait to see you roll over. I can wait to see you sit up. I can wait to see you taste your first food. I can wait to see you take your first steps. I can wait to hear your little voice say ‘mum mum’ for the first time. I can wait. It will all be so exciting of course, but I can wait. I am enjoying who you are now and soaking up every moment.
And if I can wait for you, I can wait for all of you. Even my fourth baby is still teaching me new things. In trying to savor every moment and not rush through things with her, I am reminded to do the same with my older girls. Just because I will be able to experience the same things again with their younger sisters doesn’t mean I should take it for granted. Each child is unique and each day of their life will never come again.
Sometimes in the midst of hectic life with four children we are just trying to make it through. We don’t stop to notice the small things, we count on having plenty of time to do that ‘later’. But what good is later? And what if it never comes? I want to experience life now. I want to treasure every moment the same as I would if I knew it was the last time I would see it. I want to take that feeling of holding my last baby in my arms and committing every moment to memory, and apply it to all of my children, and all of my life. I want to take the time to notice and marvel at everything I can.
There’s not always time. When I’m feeding the baby and the toddler is crying and the big kids are complaining that they want food, well I’m not really cherishing those moments. I’m just trying to make it through them, and quickly! But as much as I possibly can I’m going to slow down. I’m going to live my life and experience it fully. I’m going to be present.
The future is so exciting, but so is the present moment! I’m not going to rush my children through their childhood, concentrating solely on what’s coming next. I won’t wish any time away. I’m going to enjoy the now and all it has to offer me. Because that’s all we really have isn’t it? The past is gone and the future is yet to come. All we have is now. I’m going to make the most of it.
Beautifully written again. I never tire of your posts. I lovely reminder to savour the moment.
Thank you Krystal 🙂
Wow, this brought tears to my eyes. Those newborn times really are fleeting. I can still feel the softness of my daughters hair on my cheek right after she was born. Now she won’t sit still! Enjoy it, Mama.
Thank you 🙂
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Sometimes we just wish we could get through certain times only to realise these are the times of our childrens childhoods and cant be repeated. Those times we wished they would sleep through the night or be out of nappies for good only to realise these can be beautiful moments of connection too. And its all so fleeting. Xx
Yes! I know one day I’ll be wishing for these days back, even the hard times.
Wow! it leads me to where i put my handky! It touched me so much. My heart is so close to it. Great for you to be with your angel. As a mom who is miles away from a son, I never witness his first walk, his teething and even his first step to school. It torn my heart apart every time I imagine those. I’m so happy for you!
Thank you! I’m sorry you’re so far from your son, that must be so hard xx
I love your blog, Sara. This post was especially poignant. Baby life really does go so quickly – it’s hard to truly grasp the light speed of time until you have a babe. As I watch my son grow, I try to keep ‘now’ in focus and really savour what a blessing each day with him is. Thank you for the reminder.
Thank you Lana 🙂
Beautiful post 🙂 my son just turned one and I’m already missing his newborn smell and little hiccups! It’s definitely all about the present!
Thank you 🙂
Beautiful! I am currently on my last week of maternity leave with my firstborn. He is now almost 3 months old, and time is flying way too fast already! you’re right, it is exciting to see what will come next, as he’s growing and changing so quickly, and amazing me every day! But those moments snuggling with him on my chest will be gone so soon, so I too cherish every moment! Beautiful post… and with new mommy hormones I am sitting here almost in tears because it really touched my heart!!! 🙂
Oh thank you xx
I can so relate, having 4 girls like you. Our youngest is now 2 years old, the whole experience of pregnancy and her newborn days till today, are cherished moments considering that it will be the last for me as mother. I love this post and it is just beautiful 🙂 Especially that it resounds my thoughts lately, as you wrote: “But what good is later? And what if it never comes? I want to experience life now.” This post sheds light as I argue in my mind, and struggle with the urge to schedule everything and try organize homeschooling and life in general. I agree with you, really, what good is later. Here’s to cherishing each moment and experiencing life NOW with our beautiful daughters 🙂
Thank you Angie!
I was exactly where you were twenty one years ago and oh my does it go by so fast. Cherish every single moment. I sure did. 🙂
Thank you 🙂