I’m not lucky

Parenting: I'm not lucky | Happiness is here

If you haven’t noticed by now, parenting is something I think about a lot. And something I like to talk about too. It’s something I’m passionate about. I think a lot about how I do things and what effect it’s going to have on my children. I think about where we want to end up, and how we can help these little people we’ve been blessed with grow into the amazing people they are meant to be. And biased as I am, I must say my children are great. I love parenting and I enjoy it a lot. There are hard times, frustrating times, and times where I am definitely not loving every second. But on the whole, I enjoy my everyday life.

Maybe because it’s obvious I enjoy it so much, I sometimes get the comment that I’m ‘just lucky’. That I was lucky to get easy children. That I don’t really know what it’s like. That things that I try with my own children only work because my kids are easy. I must have been super lucky then to get 3 easy children! But, I don’t think so.

We didn’t get here by luck. We got here by hard work and conscious parenting. We decided on what we were happy with, what we thought was best for our children, and we did it. We make mistakes, we do the wrong things, we fall into bad habits, we react in less than ideal ways. And then we debrief, we reassess, and we try again. Because it’s worth it.

Children are their own unique people, and a lot of who they are is innate. But the way they behave, their actions, and our relationship with them, I believe is largely because of how they have been parented. We parent them respectfully, we value them, we set limits, we try not to threaten and punish, we listen to them, we treat them as we would like to be treated. And in turn, they treat others the same way. In those times when I find myself in a parenting rut, when I am behaving in ways that are not how I had planned, I see it come out in my children’s behaviour. I make changes, and I see their behaviour change too. So no, I don’t believe it’s luck.

Blaming it on luck just lets me off the hook. If I believe I can’t make positive changes then why would I be motivated to try harder? I think (in the absence of any medical issues) we’re very powerful in the lives of our children, and very able to make the changes that we want to see in them. But maybe sometimes people don’t want to hear that? When things are tough and you don’t know what to do, when you feel defeated and want to give up, turning things around can seem like a mammoth task! Maybe it’s easier to think that other people are just lucky, instead of acknowledging there are things that could change for the better.

And don’t get me wrong, I understand, and I don’t judge you. Parenting can be hard, I know it can. But don’t give up. Don’t blame it on bad luck. You can do this. When you say that it’s tough, when you tell me about the hard time you’re having, I will hear you, and I will empathise. I understand. I have been there. But I can’t join in and lament the inevitable terribleness of children, or agree that we are powerless to change things. I won’t do that. I don’t believe that. I will always listen, but then I will encourage you. I will always encourage the belief that you are capable, and that your life can be just as you envision it.

No, it’s not up to luck. It’s up to us.

Parenting: I'm not lucky | Happiness is here

14 thoughts on “I’m not lucky

  1. Your writing is very inspiring… I often stop by and read your posts. This specific one just seem so right to me as according to many people around me I have two very “easy” daughters :-).
    Thanks for sharing!

  2. Yes! I sooo agree with you on this! You don’t get good kids, three in a row, because you’re “lucky”. You have good kids because you do good parenting! I have three beautiful daughters that are very well behaved and most of the time ‘easy’, but days are not without discipline and challenges. Conscientious parenting takes effort and energy and looking past feeling bad for disciplining your children and into what kind of adults they are growing up to be. I cringe when other parents tell me that I have it easy because my kids are ‘easy’. No, it’s a tough job to raise good kids and honestly sometimes parents are just too tired to discipline or make a conscious effort.

  3. Your points are valid and true. However, there are easier and more difficult children on a ‘born to be…’ scale. The more ‘difficult’ children are more challenging many times because they have a higher level of processing or/and intelligence going on. Different types require different environments and that is a challenge for the adult to figure out. But, I do agree with your basic premise of making your own luck with proper parenting.

  4. “We parent them respectfully, we value them…”

    I love this… I was raise in a house where respect was demanded of the children but not the parents.

    In our house we do punish for some actions… I think that is needed at times… depending on the child.

    I enjoyed this post… I’m new here to the blogging world… and I’m looking forward to read more!!

  5. I can so relate and agree! It’s easy to pass it off as luck! My two are so very different and are ‘easier’ than each other in different ways. However, I parent them differently as a result and respect them as people and value their unique traits. It can be difficult but the results are definitely not luck 🙂

    Love your blog!

  6. Yes to this! It is so much work and can be so hard, especially if you are bucking tradition in your family or culture. But the rewards are children you are fully connected to. And I have gotten the lucky comment many times in regards to my eldest being able to work for long periods of time on projects or keep herself occupied. I was thinking, hmm maybe it is just luck? But now with my two year old I’m remebering all the work we put into helping her sister get to that point. It’s not luck to have the materials there and the space and TIME to spend with your children and to let them finish things. It is hard and I think every child has challenges, but also potential for awesomeness.

  7. I’ve just started reading your blog over the last few weeks and really enjoy it. There are plenty of fantastic activities here.

    I was wondering as others have mentioned if you wouldn’t mind writing more posts a bit like this, about the emotional side of parenting and helping children understand this part of their world.

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