My choices are only about ME
There is so much guilt and judgment in parenting these days! Someone sharing what works for them or what they believe in can cause offense when people take that to mean the person automatically thinks anyone doing it differently is wrong. I see it all the time. Look at any parenting page on facebook and you will find it. Personally, I like reading other people’s points of view and what works for them. I might take something valuable from it, or if I don’t agree I can just forget it. You don’t have to agree with another person’s style of parenting, but their beliefs should not be taken as a criticism of yours. Maybe if you feel that way it is a sign that you are not as comfortable with your own choices as you think?
So I just want to get this out there:
My parenting choices are entirely about me, and my family. They have nothing to do with you. Really.
When I say I support breastfeeding, that doesn’t mean I am against formula feeding.
When I say I co-sleep and carry my baby, that doesn’t mean I think people who don’t are doing it wrong.
When I say that homeschooling is the right decision for us, I am not saying anything about people who send their kids to school.
When I say I feel that gentle discipline is right for us, I am not saying you failed for doing it differently.
It is ALL about me. My family. My life. My journey as a parent. I have friends who make different choices than me. That doesn’t mean I think they’re doing it wrong. My parents made different choices than me. That doesn’t mean I think they made the wrong choices. I know that they loved me and always did what they thought was right. My choosing to parent differently is never a criticism of them.
We are all parents. We all love our children. We are all making the best decisions in our unique circumstances and doing what we think is best at the time. We all have different ideas and that’s ok. We all come to different conclusions. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same.
So I will give you the benefit of the doubt. When you share what you are doing with your own kids, I won’t take that as a judgment on me. There is more than one way to do things. I trust that you have thought about what you are doing and decided on what is best for your own family.
Your choices are only about you.
My choices are only about me.
Very well said! I love the fact that we are all doing it slightly different… What I love about my “mommy blogs” (as my hubby so sweetly refers to them) is that I get great ideas from all walks of life and create my own family life. It’s all trial and error people! Kids don’t come with owner’s manuals. We are all doing the best we can and that is all we can do.
Funny, just caught myself getting defensive reading your post about obedience (or the lack therof:) Usually that happens when I know something is right, but I DON’T want to know it. I’m in the midst of a tantrum cluster right now, and the words ‘because I said so!’ have definitely been in the mix, unfortunately. I think the sense of failure that we all experience from time to time (as parents, and humans) can make us touchy–this was a good reminder that there is no ‘right’ way–just keep going with love!
Thank you! I’m so glad you found it helpful. These little people can really test our patience and none of us are perfect. But we keep trying! And that’s all that matters 🙂
I agree with you and then also disagree. In a sense that sometimes whatever the person is saying actually sounds like judgement. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. I did not take anything you have said as judgement or criticism, however, I have come across people (friends, my parents, my grandparents) who have shared their way with an air of superiority and judgement towards me and that is overwhelming. I guess what I am trying to say is that we all need to build ourselves up every time we hear some type of criticism coming our way. It’s hard but hopefully it can be done. Building myself up in my head, that is.
Yep. When you’re confident in your choices it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks 🙂
So true…its amazing how u put such complicated emotions to words…luvly..
Thank you amrita 🙂
I love the way you’ve expressed this. I’ve been trying to express this for years, but it’s never come out as eloquently as your words. I think it’s because it’s a tricky concept. ‘What I do isn’t a judgement on you’ – it’s hard for people to hear. I’m just new to your blog and love what I’m reading.
Brilliant!!! You’ve expressed all of this so well! I couldn’t agree more 🙂
Sorry Deb, I meant to reply to the actual post not your reply.