Rethinking Independent Learning
It might surprise you to hear this from me, as an unschooler, but independent learning is not something I’m focusing on with my kids.
I know it’s talked about a lot. I know I have personally used this word a lot too.
There is nothing wrong with learning some things independently, but I think we’re using the wrong word. And in doing so, perpetuating some myths about unschooling.
Independent means autonomous, self-sufficient, and able to take care of yourself without outside help. At first glance, that sounds great. But, there’s this underlying belief (especially in our schooled culture) that being an independent learner is the ultimate goal. That this is what we’re aiming for.
But, here’s the truth:
Independent learning isn’t the goal.
Capable learning is.
A capable learner is confident and effective.
They know how to ask questions.
They know how to seek help when they need it.
They understand their strengths, their limits, and how they learn best.
They trust themselves. They believe in their ability to figure things out.
The thing is, you don’t need to be alone to be capable.
In fact, as my kids have grown, I have realised that capability often grows through relationship. It makes sense, of course. Learning is relational! We don’t learn everything on our own, and why would we want to? There is so much value in learning with and from others. That’s how we’ve developed as humans—passing down knowledge, learning from one another, being inspired by each other.
We are each other’s greatest resource.
Real learning doesn’t need to be solitary to be powerful, and independent learning is not better than learning together.
Maybe we value independent learning so highly because we’ve been conditioned to believe that’s what “real” learning looks like. But, schools don’t push independence because it’s superior. They push it because it’s necessary.
One teacher. Thirty kids.
They have to encourage independence. It’s how the system functions.
When we step out of that system, we get to do things differently.
We get to honour connection.
We get to be responsive.
We get to support our children’s learning.
We get to share in their education.
And it’s not “less than”, it’s more.
Unschooling doesn’t mean hands-off. It means relationship.
There’s a big misconception that unschooling means stepping back and leaving kids to their own devices. Often because we value freedom and independent learning so highly. But, that’s not what it looks like here, and I don’t believe it’s what kids need.
You are a resource.
A powerful one.
Your curiosity, your encouragement, your ideas, your presence, your suggestions…all of it matters. All of it is valuable. You are supposed to be part of this, rather than sitting on the sidelines.
Don’t discount yourself in the name of unschooling.
Don’t disappear in the pursuit of independence.
This is personalised, meaningful, deeply supported learning. We are one of our children’s greatest resources. As are their friends, community, family, and everyone else in their lives. Let’s stop undervaluing that.
Instead of rushing independence, let’s nurture capability.
Instead of treating independence as a badge of honour, let’s remember that asking for help is a skill too.
The goal isn’t to raise kids who don’t need anyone.
It’s to raise kids who know how to access the support they need to reach their goals.
That’s real capability.
That’s real learning.
That’s what we’re aiming for.
A capable learner knows how to find the answers to their questions—whether in a book, through a video, or by sitting down for a chat with someone who knows more. That’s the goal.
It’s time to rethink “independent learning.”
Let’s switch it out for something better:
Capable learners.
Confident. Curious. Connected.
That’s what we’re really aiming for.
